i wanna collapse on every lawn of every neighbor
with their sprinklers going at 4 am // thought earlier
about goldeness about mostly the sun but also myself
i wanted to crack myself open and let my goldeness
coat all of the people that i care about, i wanted them
to be dripping w goldeness like…
shut up shut up shut up.
holding my breath and drowning on the air
my brain is sending signals to my body that makes me choke on my spit
i want our bodies to touch
i covered my body in a blanket
rested my head on the arm of the couch
and stabbed the crave with words and a cigarette
When you feel perpetually unmotivated, you start questioning your existence in an unhealthy way; everything becomes a pseudo intellectual question you have no interest in responding whatsoever. This whole process becomes your very skin and it does not merely affect you; it actually defines you. So, you see yourself as a shadowy figure unworthy of developing interest, unworthy of wondering about the world - profoundly unworthy in every sense and deeply absent in your very presence.
It’s nice how you can feel thoughts in your head
this is your first day on the job; do not sweat.
you are a commercial for laundry detergent.
you are a commercial for toothpaste.
you are either or // i like you, probably.
a mosquito landed on my cigarette and immolated itself
being real is hard but also great like those moments when you say to yourself in your head “wow i am alive right now” and if there is someone with you when it happens you turn to them and tell them “i feel alive thank you and thank everything” but it also feels like you are dying.
you are dead…